Ode to the real Khan of Bollywood

In pathos, we find the beauty that we otherwise fail to notice even if we are cocooned in it. This is what I realized when I heard the untimely demise of one of the most prolific actors I have seen on the big screen.. Irrfan Khan. I have never been impacted by a celebrity death before. 

Over the years, as one grows up, one is less likely to be smitten by an actor’s looks and is more likely to be smitten by his/her personality. One of my many fantasies has been to go on a coffee date with Irrfan Sir, to know the person, to experience his tongue in cheek humour, to talk about spirituality, his recommendations on books and movies, Jim Morrison and in the process drowning in his drawling voice. 

When I remember him, I immediately think of his big expressive poetic eyes and his sheepish boyish grin. The actor’s wandering Bedouin spirit is visible in the characters he essayed. The confidence with which he slips in and out of the roles is effortless. He never ever tried to fit in the usual garrulous Bollywood crowd, keeping his dignified distance. Since hearing the news, I have been reading and sometimes re-reading the tributes that have been pouring in. Each and every one has validated not only his acting prowess but also his inner beauty as a friend, a confidante, a mentor, a father, a husband and even as a casual acquaintance. He was Amol Palekar, Sanjeev Kumar, Farooq Sheikh and Naseeruddin Shah all rolled in one. That is impossible to find nowadays. A priceless solitaire. 

Dear Sir, I want you back for that one last performance, for that one last glimpse. But who am I kidding, that one glance will never be enough, it will only whet my appetite for more. As I write this, tears streaming down my cheeks, I still can’t come to terms with your absence. I still can’t fathom why it feels so personal as if I lost one of my own. You have left an abyss not only in the world of cinema, theatre but also in the hearts of millions. Then that was your charisma that will keep your magic alive, always.