It came to me again, yesterday, a feeling that twists my inside, making me go blank… just like that. It always takes over me when its least expected. It stays for few seconds before receding at its own sweet speed. By now, am quite used to it. The part that I look towards after this bout of restlessness is the calmness that engulfs me. Dropping in a nearby chair, my legs stretched out lazily I am at peace, oblivious to my surroundings.
Suddenly a million things are racing through my mind at lightning speed in no particular order. Nothing relevant just paragraphs from a book or the lyrics of some song. I question my identity as I always do when it grips me, is it really me? What am I doing with my life? Is this what I wanted to do? No answers just vacuum. I like it that way. I am weird and have known this for some time now. There are times when I desire solitude with a passion that nobody can understand. It’s a solitude that completes me. Silence ringing in my ears like music. Staring at nothing and enjoying every moment of it. It’s amusing when I think of all those instances, where somebody is actively talking to me or sharing something and I am smiling mechanically and giving the appropriate answers when my mind is somewhere else, occupied with an irrelevant or an uninteresting subject, yet seeming perfectly involved with the other person. May be that’s the reason I love travelling, because it’s so fleeting and doesn’t chain me down. It gives me a sense of freedom. I start getting uncomfortable when things around me get comfortable, strange but true.
Suddenly I am startled with my mom’s voice, and I realize I had shelled in, in a shop bustling with activity. Despite being annoyed to be out of my reverie, I gear myself to continue my façade that I have been living, sporting a smile and walking back into the reality.
